DENIAL AIN'T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT - MARK TWAIN

I would love to share the Cycle of Grief one step at a time over the next few weeks so that we gain understanding of the impact and the steps to healing from grief and loss. Sadly, we all have to deal with grief and loss in our personal lives as well as in our community.

 

There are many valleys in life, be it a setback or challenge, a job loss, an illness, a disaster or the death of a loved one. Moving forward is the path along which we should be moving and though we may dally along the way and even circle back, the question we need to ask ourselves constantly is: am I moving forward?

According to Elizabeth Kübler Ross there are 5 main stages of grief that we all pass through.  Other emotions may vary from person to person.

STAGE 1: DENIAL

EMOTIONS THAT MAY BE PREVALENT ARE: CONFUSION, DISBELIEF, NUMBNESS, SADNESS, SHOCK AND DISINTEREST

A simple definition of denial is that one refuses to acknowledge what is readily apparent to others. I believe it is not so simple. Denial is actually a coping or defence mechanism that allows you time to adjust to distressing situations; but remaining there can interfere with your ability to adjust to challenges on your journey through grief.

I have experienced this first hand. We so often have a gut feel of what is truth in a situation but something holds us back from facing that reality. Time is needed to digest and find the strength to deal with the pain. 

What causes this reaction, this waiting? I can only believe that it is God’s Grace, a quiet resting place before the storm.

When you are in denial, the truth is your adversary and your accuser. It is, therefore, imperative that we do not get trapped in denial, we have to face the truth of our situation, however painful, and however hard it is to deal with.

How do we do that? 

According to the Mayo Clinic there are steps we can take. Here they are:

• Honestly ask yourself what you fear. 
• Think about the possible negative cost of not taking action. With God’s hand in your hand, you can do this. 
• Try to identify irrational beliefs about your situation. We all have them but know that God holds the future and He is good.
• Journal about your experience. I have found this so helpful and this tool can be used throughout the healing process from grief and loss.
• Open up to a trusted friend or loved one. Pick someone who has warmth and empathy.

The fear present in grief is that I may be totally overwhelmed and lose myself.

I would suggest that we cannot look at the subject of denial without looking at resilience.

RESILIENCE

Resilience means being able to adapt to life's misfortunes and setbacks.

As we grow in resilience, we harness inner strength that helps us rebound from grief and loss. If we lack resilience we might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms e.g. substance abuse.

How do we build up resilience? (We cannot just build it overnight; it is a journey through experience, a journey of understanding our worth and of trusting in the support of others.)

1) Don't ignore your problems or try to wish them away. Ask God for strength, ask God to teach you from each experience.

2) Learn from experience, how did you cope well in the past? Utilize that same skill and strategy.

3) Journal - write about past experiences to identify positives and negatives from your past experiences. God loves us to remember our victories.

As we walk through the Cycle of Grief and Loss, may we come to the place of "Acceptance" with a higher level of coping i.e. a strengthened resilience so that we may support others through their misfortunes. Our God is a God of comfort and healing:

Blessed be the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our entire affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

- 2 Cor 1:3-5

Onward we go.