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Narcissists are restlessly delusional. They lack patience and their schedules are unbelievable, especially for those closest to them, their spouses. You are continually harangued, criticized for the smallest illegitimate reasons (for me it was not fulfilling his list of needs and requests written out for me every day).
With the Narcissistic spouse you have very little mental breathing space. (I was phoned at least 4 times every day, where am I, what am I doing? etc. I thought it was a loving thing to do but have since accepted that it was control.) From the Narcissist’s perspective, you are their possession.
- Matinez-Lewi
My WOW moment! .....I have learnt that Narcissists practice devaluing and discarding. They will discard you if you question them too much and fail to hide your feelings and needs consistently for their convenience and benefit -Drew Keys
Narcissists put down, turn against or reject the person who no longer pleases them or serves them. The spouse is shocked as they have lived with and believed the lie that they are loved by the Narcissist. The mask is off, it is evident that the Narcissist never loved at all. When they have done getting what they can from you i.e. you have somehow ended their narcissistic supply. The game is over.
This is my story:
Throughout the 25 years as a spouse of a Narcissist; lies, criticism, tantrums were the order of the day, but because of his unyielding schedule not much time was spent in the home which was a relief. His energy was focused on him, his work, his ambition etc. If my role was played out well, there was a semblance of peace.
I am the "Mother of his children" (this was the role given to me in the Narcissist's mind) but when his children had grown and were leaving home, I had become redundant. I had stood behind and supported him, worked for him as he launched a new career, as he fulfilled his dreams, as he made a fortune. He was at the pinnacle of his career and he needed a new trophy! He felt he could have this and keep the “Mother of his children” too, tucked away in a sleepy town, just in case.......
I am so grateful that I had also started following Jesus the Messiah. Through my experience and reading of the Bible, God's Word to us, I found my value, my identity and my dignity in Jesus Christ. I could at last be strong and courageous in my relationship with the Narcissist. I found my voice and stood up for what was right and true.
For him this was rebellion, it was time to devalue me (smear campaign of note) and deny that he neither had any need of me nor ever had. I no longer fitted his role for me.
Drew Keys clarifies this in his writings on "The Narcissist exposed." If you change and start standing up for yourself and ask them to be more considerate or change their ways especially their illegal ways, they will discard you without a backward glance. They will find another who defers to them better. You have only two choices when living with a Narcissist: 1. be a doormat or 2. find yourself outside on the doormat!"
“Sometimes on the road of life…getting lost is how we find our way.”
-Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Exactly my story, once I was
lost, now I am found :)
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Margs
Share your story with me or ask any relevant questions.
mmeford@gmail.com
In my blog
Psychedelic Psychology (mmeford.blogspot.com)
I have discussed Narcissism, check it out for more information.
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