In the dim light of this ancient castle, I experienced once more the atrocities that took place in Cape Town during Apartheid in South Africa. Violence, power and control was utilised in an horrific display of human depravity. It is a reflection of an era of despair and isolation, a memory of the significance of a struggle; the fallout of which is part of our daily lives in Cape Town today.
There are those who deal with abuse and violence every day; it is very personal and takes place within the safety of their homes.
How does the 'modern abuser' employ power, control and violence?
1. Using Coercion and Threats
Making or carrying out threats to leave and abandon their family without financial means.
Threatening their partner so that charges are dropped.
Threatening their partner to partake in illegal activities.
2. Using Intimidation
Provoking fear by looks, actions or gestures.
Smashing things, destroying property.
Displaying weapons
3. Using Emotional Abuse
Making the partner feel bad through verbal abuse.
Playing mind games
Name calling, humiliating and shaming
Making their partner feel guilty for their bad behaviour.
4. Using Isolation
Controlling the movements of their partner and who they speak to.
Using jealousy to justify actions
5. Minimising, Denying and Blaming
Downplaying their partner's concerns regarding the abuse.
Lying regarding the abuse
Blaming their partner for the abuse; saying that they are 'asking' for it
6. Using Children
Using the children to relay messages
Using visitation to harass their partner.
Threatening to take the children away
7. Using Male Privilege
Treating the female partner like a servant
Making all the big decisions
8. Using Economic Abuse
Preventing their partner from getting or keeping a job.
Making their partner ask for money
Giving their partner an allowance
Taking their partner's money
Not allowing access to the family income
~Domestic Abuse Intervention Project
If you find yourself in this position a PROTEST is in order!
The Magic question to ask yourself:
If you woke up tomorrow and the problem had gone away, what would your life look like?
If the difference is significant, it is time to bring about change.
What is NOT a solution?
a. Silent submission
b. Ineffective fighting and violence
c. Blaming
d. Emotional distancing
Physical distance is the beginning of healing.
What could the consequences be if we make no changes?
a. Loss of important relationships, you may lose relationship with your children, your parents, your friends.
b. You will continue to have no control over your life.
c. You will continue to sacrifice yourself to bolster and protect your partner.
d. There will be Continuous Trauma for yourself and your children.
Use the Law:
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND THE LAW Acts 133 of 1993 and 116 of 1998
Domestic violence is any form of abuse which includes physical, sexual, emotional, psychological or economic harassment within a domestic relationship. If these forms of abuse are happening to you or to anyone you know, you can apply for a protection order.www.services.gov.za
A Domestic relationship includes two people being in a customary relationship actual or perceived romantic, intimate or sexual relationship of any duration sharing or having shared the same residence. It is not just for those who are legally married.
…and will make the Valley of Achor a Door of Hope~ Hosea 2:15
The Valley of Achor is the Valley of Trouble; there is a Door of Hope.
As those who praise God pass through the Valley of Baca they make it a Place of Springs ~ Psalm 84:6
The Valley of Baca is the Valley of weeping and misery ; there is a Place of Springs
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