Henry Nouwen asks a pertinent
question in his book “The Wounded Healer” ...Is it possible that the Church
(meaning people following Jesus) could be accused of having failed in its most
basic task: to offer people creative ways to communicate with the source of
human life?
We could debate here the
mission of the Church....but let’s not, let’s look deep inside ourselves and
ponder.....
Nouwen believes that in order
to offer others help we must first find the courage to deal with our own complexities
in our inner world. You cannot be spiritually mature and stay emotionally
deficient (Jan Coleman). This is the
crux; many believe they have answers for others yet they do not understand
their own inner world and therefore project deficiencies onto others seeking
truth.
We all know that amazing verse in 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4; we can only
comfort others in certain situations when we have experienced God’s comfort; when
we have earned the T-shirt. This compassion brings authority to the situation;
it does not tolerate the pressure and lack of understanding of others, but
breaks through boundaries of language, culture, wealth, poverty and education.
Nouwen’s picture story is worth
relaying:“As soon as we feel at home in our own house, discover the dark corners as well as the drafty rooms, our confusion will evaporate, our anxiety will diminish, and we will become capable of creative work.”
When we have journeyed through our house and are able to “articulate” our experiences, we are now ready to help others articulate and clarify theirs. People have need of a deep human encounter which speaks to them of our weaknesses and losses; therefore allowing them a conduit to speak of their own inner struggles.
We are called to die to self,
to put ourselves at another’s disposal, to facilitate and enable comfort and
healing.
EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY
Let’s grow together
into compassionate helpers. Carl Rogers (1902-1987) was a humanistic psychologist who
believed that for a person to "grow", they need an environment that
provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance
(being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to
and understood). I fully believe this and have experienced it in
praxis. We so long to see people grow, we want to see spiritual maturity and I
believe that these components need to be present to facilitate the process.
When someone feels mere sympathy toward another, the sympathetic person
might be more likely to feel sad themselves, which may actually have
consequences regarding the other’s emotional state.
Let’s just pause a moment and savour the words used by Carl Rogers:
genuineness.....acceptance.....unconditional positive regard. Can you imagine being listened to in this manner? How we all long for that in times of
need. Let us be there for others.
God’s Amazing Grace can be
shown to others through us. Let us establish an
environment that facilitates this.
XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMargs
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