EN-THEOS :THE TAILWIND OF LIFE

The word "enthusiasm" itself comes from "en-theos." "En" meaning "in" and "theos" meaning God. The word literally means "in God" or "inspired of God."

Whatever we do, we should do it with “en theos” meaning we should do it "in God".

For Him and in the power of the Spirit that
lives within us. Enthusiasm!

 

THE TAILWIND OF LIFE

My sons are cycling enthusiasts and their lingo may include:
"Love that tailwind!
Headwinds suck. Tailwinds rock!"

Let's stop and consider the psychology involved. When going with the wind, the heart rate goes up! The thrill of the speed, pumps us up even higher and we go all out. Conversely cycling into a stiff headwind psychologically just kills us. We end up working hard, but without the thrill factor.

 

 Being "in God" becomes our "tailwind", the heart rate goes up, the thrill of knowing that what we do matters to God, it pumps us up with courage, joy, compassion, goodness, self-control and perseverance!  Enthusiasm!


5 ways to boost our “en-theos”

1. Feeling fear yet choosing to act

Most fears are useless, 90% of what we worry about never happens, yet we poison our contentment with fear of the big shipwreck - Jan Coleman

Fear is our enemy and living with 'en-theos', we have nothing to fear. If God is with us who can be against us!

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear — Nelson Mandela

2. Follow your heart

We must place ourselves in the tailwind; that place where our passion lies, waiting and following what inspires us to greatness. We are all 'gifted' - position yourself to be used.

To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.
 — Soren Kierkegaard



3. Persevere in the face of the 'head wind'  

Adversity is part of life, yes, adversity is part of life!  "en-theos" gives us hope that we will overcome. Perseverence!

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer. — Ralph Waldo Emerson


4. Stand Up For What Is Right

Ephesians 3:12

Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God's presence.

If we have confidence to speak to God, we can have confidence in speaking to man. Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes — Maggie Kuhn.

5. Face suffering with Faith

A man of courage is also full of faith. — Marcus Tullius Cicero

Melanie Greenberg, PhD, Psychology Today

Expanding our horizons is crucial to our growth, grab hold of your “en-theos” and move forward, there are so many opportunities out there.

Arise, shine for your light has come, and the glory of The Lord has risen upon you

- Isaiah 60:1


   XXxxxxxxxxxxxxMargs

CUTTING THE TIES THAT BIND US

....you go free

When we find ourselves in a relationship that has slowly and stealthily robbed us of our dignity, sometimes our values and morals and even our very souls....our first question is often how did we get here? How did this happen?

Answer: We ignored all the clues, we dismissed our gut feel and it frequently takes a crisis to bring a watershed event that allows us to grasp the full measure of what the other person’s limitations really were and are. Something was driving us forward, that blinded us to the danger and in order to heal we need to unravel our own subconscious puzzle and seek truth before we move forward once more.

I have asked myself on more than one occasion “What makes us stay in a relationship where there is more bad than good?”

The experts are now calling this “Trauma bonding”. When a relationship has a pattern of fear, abuse and exploitation; a person has control and power over us and we will begin to tiptoe around them. We are slowly being abused and traumatized, and may stay in a relationship for a long time without really fighting back. We’re often afraid to fight back because of the repercussions.

Abusive behaviours insidiously lower self-esteem and set us on a path of constant and increasing self-doubt. We start asking ourselves what transgression we have committed to provoke such anger, contempt or criticism.

Payson states that the way of freedom and healing involves 3 distinct phases:

1.    Awareness: Tell yourself the truth and stop enabling the abuse; no one deserves to be abused.

It is only in truth that we will be set free.

2.    Emotional healing: Be accountable for change.

Whatever weakness we subconsciously communicated on entering this relationship has been exploited and abused.  We need to seek help in identifying that weakness; then bring it before God in prayer and repentance so that it may no longer hinder us.  

3.    Empowerment: Expect resistance to change. Turning from our own weakness will empower us to move away from the abuser who only magnifies it.

We need to stand firm without fear knowing that God is with and for us.

At the crisis point we feel outraged, betrayed, hurt and angry and we will feel a great sense of loss as a wished-for relationship dies.

(see blog posts on the Grief Cycle 19th July - 6^th August, 2013)

It is imperative that we recognise when to turn the page; cutting the ties that bind us. We must acknowledge that we will resist as we just hate pain (most of us will do anything not to experience emotional pain) but be courageous and be accountable to change.

The most difficult step is to release and forgive those who have wounded us so that we go free! (See blog post: Unpacking forgiveness, 16^th September, 2013)

 For those who really struggle with this remember the words of Oscar Wilde:

"Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much."

XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Margs

If you haven’t yet read my story you will find it on 14^th August 2013 A WOW! MOMENT – Journey with me...........

 

Resources:

Dr. David B. Hawkins, crosswalk.com

Payson, E; The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists, 2008

UNPACKING FORGIVENESS

I was blown away when I read that the faculty and students of the Psychology Dept. of the University of Wisconsin met to discuss ‘forgiveness’ over a period of 10 years to bring some clarity to the subject. Some of the thoughts below stem from those discussions.

Forgiveness is huge! It is not an easy subject nor is it easy to fulfil. So where do we begin.....?

 

 

Close your eyes and picture in your mind an old Church tower in a village in the UK, now see the bell-ringer (campanologist) about to pull the rope that will ring the bell....he pulls and pulls.......the bell begins to gain momentum until a sound is heard......the sound increases and rings for a precise time then the rope is released, slowly the sound decreases until........silence and peace.

Forgiveness is like this, initially it takes a lot of labour (prayer, emotional and mental energy) until......momentum is gained, the chimes signify the intensity of feeling, negative feelings...feelings ‘that we may always feel this way’ and yet slowly, slowly as we release the rope, (let go of those negative feelings) the chimes slow and eventually cease.  We experience peace.

Forgiveness is a gift to others not just to us, but in the giving it may also bring psychological healing.

Forgiveness does not and cannot wipe out the fact of wrong having been done. It is not simply giving up our right to punish (although this may result from forgiveness). We do not excuse the wrongdoer by forgiving them. Forgiveness is not a legal pardon.

We still see them as the perpetrator of the wrong and hold them responsible for it. There has to be a real sense of wrongdoing otherwise there would be no real meaning in forgiving.

“Forgiveness is a special case of mercy directed at an injuring party.” Don’t you love this quote?

When we acknowledge that we should forgive....the big question is how do we do it?

Our journey begins with acknowledging our negative feelings. It is okay and normal to feel like this. If the perpetrator is not punished, our sense of justice is not fulfilled and adds further to our negative feelings. 

Our negative feelings are focused on the perpetrator and we need to acknowledge that our own healing requires us to forgive.

The point of readiness to forgive will differ with each person with regard to:-
a) the extent of the wrong done
b) the seriousness of the wrong done
c) the time elapsed
d) present feelings

As we journey on we can begin to reframe the situation to gain understanding of the perpetrator. At first, we won’t want to but our challenge is to try to gain understanding of the perpetrator from their context.

Our goal is to reach a point beyond ourselves to see the wrongdoer, to see him/her as Imago Dei (made in the image of God). When we can reach this point, the 'ought to' forgive changes to a 'desire to'.

Eventually our negative feelings can be overridden by truth.
J. North - Exploring Forgiveness

A truth, I believe, that can only be found in our Image of who God is.

Some thoughts to ponder:
Forgiveness is more than accepting and tolerating the injustice.
Forgiveness definitely, definitely does not mean forgetting.
Forgiveness is more than ceasing our anger towards the perpetrator.

Forgiveness does not go hand in hand with reconciliation. Forgiveness is one person's gift to another, while reconciliation is two people choosing to come together again. This is not always within our power or wishes.
Enright, Freedman & Rique - Interpersonal Forgiveness

A sign that the process of forgiveness is in progress, is that empathy and compassion begin to emerge towards the perpetrator.

Meeting face to face is not necessary if not desirable; forgiveness is for our healing. Write a letter to the perpetrator telling them you forgive them; it is your decision to send it or burn it as a memorial to the freedom gained by forgiving.

Must our relationship with the perpetrator return to its previous level?  No, it is not unforgiving to make hard decisions to enforce strict boundaries towards your perpetrator; we have a choice in this. I believe we should take our heart’s temperature from time to time to check on our progress in the realm of forgiveness, so that we can be whole.

Acceptance and forgiveness have been paramount in my own personal healing; I intermittently check up on the state of my heart towards someone who came close to destroying me, then I continue to press on towards the goal.(Phil 3:13-14)

 Stay strong.

"and whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your tresspasses." - Mk 11:25

 

XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMargs

ARTICULATE YOUR INNER WORLD

Henry Nouwen asks a pertinent question in his book “The Wounded Healer” ...Is it possible that the Church (meaning people following Jesus) could be accused of having failed in its most basic task: to offer people creative ways to communicate with the source of human life?

We could debate here the mission of the Church....but let’s not, let’s look deep inside ourselves and ponder.....

Nouwen believes that in order to offer others help we must first find the courage to deal with our own complexities in our inner world. You cannot be spiritually mature and stay emotionally deficient (Jan Coleman).  This is the crux; many believe they have answers for others yet they do not understand their own inner world and therefore project deficiencies onto others seeking truth.

We all know that amazing verse in 2 Corinthians 1:3, 4; we can only comfort others in certain situations when we have experienced God’s comfort; when we have earned the T-shirt. This compassion brings authority to the situation; it does not tolerate the pressure and lack of understanding of others, but breaks through boundaries of language, culture, wealth, poverty and education.

Nouwen’s picture story is worth relaying:

“As soon as we feel at home in our own house, discover the dark corners as well as the drafty rooms, our confusion will evaporate, our anxiety will diminish, and we will become capable of creative work.”

 When we have journeyed through our house and are able to “articulate” our experiences, we are now ready to help others articulate and clarify theirs. People have need of a deep human encounter which speaks to them of our weaknesses and losses; therefore allowing them a conduit to speak of their own inner struggles.

We are called to die to self, to put ourselves at another’s disposal, to facilitate and enable comfort and healing.

EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY

Let’s grow together into compassionate helpers. Carl Rogers (1902-1987) was a humanistic psychologist who believed that for a person to "grow", they need an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood). I fully believe this and have experienced it in praxis. We so long to see people grow, we want to see spiritual maturity and I believe that these components need to be present to facilitate the process.

When someone feels mere sympathy toward another, the sympathetic person might be more likely to feel sad themselves, which may actually have consequences regarding the other’s emotional state.

Let’s just pause a moment and savour the words used by Carl Rogers: genuineness.....acceptance.....unconditional positive regard.  Can you imagine being listened to in this manner?  How we all long for that in times of need.  Let us be there for others.

God’s Amazing Grace can be shown to others through us.  Let us establish an environment that facilitates this.

XXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxMargs