How do we know we have made the right choice, especially in the choice of a spouse? People change...how do we recognise what the future will hold with our choice of friends, partners or work colleagues?
Most future forecasting is conspicuously off the mark. How many of us have said, “if only I’d known, he/she was like that........” We really want to make good choices in all relationships; so what can we learn?
What psychology does know is that the future grows out of the past, it is possible to know certain characteristics about people which will not change tomorrow - if you know what to pay attention to today.
So (especially for the women :) keep the emotions at bay whilst the mind assesses the following.....
Susan Engel writes that there are 6 character traits that are constant:
Intelligence, drive, sociability, capacity for intimacy, happiness and goodness.
She states that all six elements show up early in life and don't change much over its course. So let’s take a look at what we should be looking out for in potential relationships, remember these will not really change!
Intelligence (* I'm way too intelligent to play with my intelligence)
Intelligence is the most constant quality over time; it is the announcer of possibility, a gauge of the likelihood of doing well in life.
Drive (* Vigorously goal-oriented)
Two key components to focus on when investigating how driven a person is; firstly how that person defines drive and secondly how or even whether, they are willing to work for it.
Sociability (*Bowling alone vs. playing with friends)
Signs of sociability are easily discernible, the existence of a broad circle of connections one calls on from time to time and a smaller circle of one or two close friends one can call on at any time and to whom one can make known one's inner world. Research shows that having at least one good friend is a buffer against many of life's troubles.
Capacity for intimacy (*Skinship)
Determine someone's capacity for intimacy and you will understand something about their ability to trust another human being. This also reveals how vulnerable the person is able to be, how they make a commitment of any kind and how they control their anguish.
Happiness (*Manage your expectations)
Psychologists and philosophers find that happiness starts with having a sense of purpose and feeling useful. Happiness may be a feeling but, over the past 50 years, psychologists have come to see that in large measure it is a reflection of how we think.
Goodness (*For goodness sake)
Being empathetic is necessary for goodness but not sufficient; action is needed too; a sign of integrity is the willingness to help another.
So off we go to make friends, to date or to interview
others. Let’s try and remember these 6
basic character traits that in all probability will change very little.
If his/her intelligence or lack thereof irritates, you can
take it that it always will.
If s/he is not driven, the possibility is strong that he
never will be.
If s/he has no friends, doubt he ever will have.
If s/he has trust issues, they will in all probability linger.
If s/he is unhappy, usually he will stay that way deep
inside.
If s/he doesn’t show you he really cares about You, in all probability, he doesn't.
So after this......... you have found a suitable candidate.....you
may switch back on those emotions and move forward.
1 Samuel 16:7 ESV
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
XXxxxxxxxxx Margs
*word play
References:
Red Flags or Red Herrings?
Predicting Who Your Child Will Become – Susan Engel
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